SadstuckThoughts
by TheBleachDoctor
Summary: Random shorts with the Sadstuck theme. Generally Vriska and John centered.
1. Last Thoughts

I sat in front of my husktop, in the far reaches of the lab, cloaked in darkness

Finishing up my confession to John, I sit cross-legged, hands folded in my lap, wings fluttering slowly

Why did I say those things? I've never told anyone how I really feel.

Not Kanaya, not Terezi, not Tavros

Certainly not Eridan.

It's just… Tavros… his face when I killed him.

Too little, too late. He'd finally become what I wanted him to be, a hero.

Imagine that! The wimpy Page of Breath, playing hero when the time to do so had long past!

Trying to kill me, Me! No amount of prompting, of kissing, of manipulating, could make him into what I wanted.

Now that I think about it, he was pretty brave. He had no chance of defeating me. I mean, I'm God Tier for crying out loud! He knew he had no chance. Yet he still tried.

I should feel nothing. He's just a lowly brown-blooded troll.

Yet he was a friend.

The look on his face when I killed him out of rage.

What was it? Betrayal? Fear? Contentment? Anger?

I'm not sure, only that it didn't feel good.

Now he's gone. No redoes here.

I don't think I've ever felt like this before.

What are these rolling down my face. It feels wet.

Tears? I've never seen my own tears before.

Blue. Just like my blood.

…

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this. For the future? Bah! There's no future for us.

We're doomed, doomed, doooooooomed!

I wonder if I'll even get to see John in person. I hope so.

…

Someone's coming. If someone reads this later on, I hope they can understand what I really wanted, rather than what I did.

* * *

><p>I waved goodbye. Terezi won't stab me. My luck is just that goo-<p>

…

Ow.

I look down. Is that… _blood_?

I turn around, "…Ter…ezi…" I gasp in pain.

She just stares sadly at me, with those blind eyes.

I fall to my knees. This burning in my chest is almost unbearable.

If I die, will I come back? For my death might be considered just.

I don't want to die! Not like this!

…

I hate sucker-stabs.

I collapse to my knees, and fall face-down.

I push myself up slightly, the pain is slowly fading now. Is that a good thing?

I turn to look at my husktop, and reach out to it.

"..J…ohn.." I manage to whisper. I can see the corners of my vision fading.

Is this is? No chance to redeem myself? No chance to fight Jack? No chance to save everyone?

No chance to meet John, and tell him how I really feel?

My arms fail me, and I fall one last time, my head turned to the side.

I can feel the blood slowly soaking my outfit, the pool slowly growing larger.

As my vision fails me, I feel something wet rolling down my face.

Tears again? It's a good thing I cried earlier, or else I'd be wondering what th-


	2. Unpaid promises

"Are you ready?" John snickered over the headset, sitting on the plains of Skaia.

"As ready as I'll ever be, John!" an amused but confident voice responded. ArachnidsGrip.

"All right then!" John started the karaoke application on his glasses-computer. A familiar tune began to play on both of their computers. Vriska on her husktop in the lab, and John laying on a checkerboarded battlefield.

"How do I," John sang, "Get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?"

"Oh and I," Vriska joined in, "I need you in my arms, need you to hold. You're my world, my heart, my soul, and if you ever leave"

"Baby you would take away everything good in my life" Their voices joined together, a duet across worlds.  
>"And tell me now"<p>

Terezi tilted her head as she heard Vriska's voice floated through the lab. Strange, Vriska never sings.

The battling Prospitians and Dersites paused, listening to the melody floating through the land, as if carried by the wind.

"How do I live without you? I want to know  
>How do I breathe without you if you ever go?<br>How do I ever, ever survive?"

The Heir of Breath and The Thief of Light sang, their two voices harmonizing.

"Without you," John chirped, " there'd be no sun in my sky!"

"There would be no love in my life," Vriska giggled

They both chorused, "There'd be no world left for me!"

"And I, baby, I don't know what I would do" John hummed  
>Vriska shouted out, "I'd be lost if I lost you, if you ever leave"<p>

Both of them smiled, and cried out, "Baby, you would take away everything real in my life  
>And tell me now"<p>

The chorus of the song attracted the attention of many. Trolls, Prospitians, Dersites, and Denizens all turned their ears. This was a song of two in love.

The chorus nearly ended.

"How do I live without you? I want to know  
>How do I breathe without you if you ever go?<br>How do I ever, ever…" Vriska and John ceased singing.

"John, what happened?" Vriska asked.

"The program crashed." John responded. "Sorry. I have to go do something. We'll finish this later, okay?"

"Sure!" Vriska laughed, "You owe me a song, Egbert!"

Vriska signed off, and found Terezi standing behind her, "I've never heard you sing before." She breathed.

"Well," Vriska laughed, getting to her feet, "I suppose that's because I've never really been in love before! See you later, Pyrope."

* * *

><p>Karkat ran through the lab. Shit. He should never have opened his damn mouth when John asked about Vriska. He only said one word, but Egbert could figure out the rest. The look of horror and despair on John's face. Karkat could barely recall it before becoming saddened himself.<p>

He heard a faint voice carrying through the hallways. He ran towards it.

The sounds soon formed into a song. Broken with pauses.

"How do I live... without you."

Karkat found the stairway to the roof. The area where Vriska died.

"I…. want to know…."

Karkat slowly ascended the stairwell.

"How do I…. breathe without you… if you ever go…"

Karkat found John. John had Vriska's head in his lap. He was slowly running his hand through her tangled hair. He had folded her hands in her lap.

"How do I… ever…ever survive…"

Karkat put a hand on John's shouder, lowering his normal yelling voice, "I'm sorry about Vriska, John."

"Three years." John murmured.

"I didn't hear, what'd you say?" Karkat leaned closer.

"Three years." John spoke, his voice devoid of emotion, "I waited three years to meet her."

He turned to face Karkat. Tears were running down John's face, yet he was smiling sadly.

"I never got to give her that song I owed her."

John hugged Vriska closer to him, "I'm sorry."


	3. The Saddest Chapter

"I love you." Bec Noir confessed.

"Well I don't." Prospitian Monarch snarled.

Then she stabbed Noir and he died.


	4. Huge BitchA self reflection

I just wanted to be special.

Ever since the day I was born into the word, I knew.

I knew I was meant to do something great.

Well, okay, I suspected it, but the moment I found Mindfang's journal, everything changed.

This was her life. This was my ancestor's life, uncensored and accurate.

After reading her life, I knew mine wasn't enough.

I didn't want to spend the rest of my life feeding my lusus, fearing that one day I wouldn't bring enough home, only to be eaten myself.

So I set about changing myself.

I put on a strong face. I didn't let things affect me.

True, I was sending people to their deaths, but that's what she would do.

Strong, confident Marquise.

I did have my doubts, though. One of my old friends, I don't remember his name, was visiting one day.

We were discussing how to spend the next day. He didn't know about Spidermom, and I kept him blissfully ignorant.

I didn't plan it.

I wanted him to leave at the end of the day, alive and unharmed.

However, I didn't bring home enough people. Spidermom demanded one more. Soon.

What was I to do? If I offered myself, she would just get another unfortunate soul to feed her. I could never subject another person to what I had to go through.

So I chose the second best option.

I gave my friend a comforting smile. It didn't comfort him at all, though. All I saw on his face was horror, fear, and betrayal, right before he was devoured.

I never asked for this.

I never asked to be the caretaker of a giant spider lusus that ate and ate and ate and never stopped.

I never asked to be hated. I was only trying to improve everyone.

I was trying to get Equius to be more independent.

He kept spewing stuff about the hemospectrum, but he loved to be bossed around.

Why couldn't he be more like Darkleer, who wasn't afraid to defy authority to do what was right?

I was trying to get Tavros to be more confident.

I wanted him to be more like the Summoner, to sweep me off my feet, and take me away!

Well, I screwed up there; my childish dreams of romance only ended up paralyzing him from the waist down.

I was trying to make Terezi a better person.

Pyrope was always talking about justice, but everything she did was unjust.

She'd drag trolls home from our FLARPing sessions, to hold mock trials, and summarily executed them.

When I brought this up with her, she accused me of being a hypocrite, and cited Spidermom.

I didn't say anything back then, but I should've said, "At least you have a choice."

In the end, she didn't even kill me because it was the right thing to do!

She killed me because of self-preservation. I would've defeated Jack! I would've won!

No. That wasn't justice.

That was selfishness.

I may have put on the strong face, but I was weak inside.

Too weak to tell John I really loved him.

Too weak to stand up to Pyrope until my arm and eye were gone.

Too weak to instill confidence in Nitram.

Too weak to teach Equius to make his own decisions (which would've indirectly saved Nepeta).

Too weak to show people who I really was.

I wasn't a bitch like everyone thought. True, I acted like it, but that was my mask. My cover. My protection.

I was probably to most kind-hearted out of all my friends, the freak in Alternian culture.

I saw what was wrong with the killings.

I relished killing my lusus, she deserved it! All those people she killed, it was her fault, not mine!

Tavros finally gained confidence when I prompted him! He was strong, in the end.

Come to think of it, I shouldn't have taken that away from him.

I'll never live it down, though.

Vriska Serket. Huge Bitch.


	5. Endgame

Dave flicks the last of Lord English's blood off his blade as his corpse falls to the ground.

That's it, you've won. After everything, all the hardship, all that loss, it's finally over.

Then you realize; the loss hasn't ended. There's still more to lose, and you will lose it.

"Quick! Dave! Knock me out!" you yell. Your best bro just stares at you like you grew a second head.

"Egbert, what?" He's puzzled by your bizarre request right as victory has been achieved.

"Just do it! I'll explain later!"

Dave is reluctant to do so, but he trusts you, and you soon slip into dreams.

The next thing you know, you are in the dream bubbles, but they're not the same.

The environment is still changing, but it's less defined. Large chunks of it are disappearing, curling away like smoke in the wind, transforming into endless, blinding white.

You quickly scan the area, "Vriska!" you cry out, desperate to find her before it's too late.

"John."

At your name, you spin around. She's standing there, uncharacteristically serene. Her hands are clasped behind her back, and she has a sad smile on her face. She's dressed in her normal scorpio shirt, jacket and jeans; this is Vriska Serket, plain and true.

"Vriska, we won! And now…"

She smiles sadly, "I know, John. The dream bubbles have no purpose anymore."

"I don't want you to go," you choke out, "can't I save you? Can't I take you with me? Maybe you could hitch a ride on my soul or something."

She shakes her head forlornly; resigned to her fate.

"No, John. There's no way to save me or the others. I wish there was though, I'd liked to have spent more time with you."

You rush up to her, and embrace her, "Don't go, Vriska." You whisper in her ear, "I love you."

"It's okay John, you'll find someone else, someone better than me. I'm not afraid of death." She responds. Despite the brave face, though, she's gripping you like a lifeline. You can feel her trembling.

The white closes in on you two, the wispy remnants of the dream bubble surrounding the both of you.

"Vriska," you comfort her as she begins to cry, cobalt streams running down her face, "You'll always be with me, I'll never forget you. You were a good friend, and I'm not sorry at all that I knew you. I'll miss you every second of my life."

She lightly laughs through her sobs, "John, you're so cheesy! I'll miss you too."

She kisses you on the cheek, and stands back from you. You're still holding hands, and bits of her body are already being pulled away. The degradation is increasing in pace until only her arms, head, and upper body remain.

"Well, windy boy," she smiles one last time as her head starts to disappear, "Farewell."

"Good bye Vriska," you whisper as she grins, ear to ear.

Her hands are the last thing to go, their form becoming less defined as it slips from your fingers. Within seconds, you are grasping air.

You begin to disappear too. It's okay for you, though. You have a body to go back to. Everyone in the dream bubbles, though, paid for your victory at the price of oblivion.

As you rejoin the waking world, you burst into tears and embrace Rose for support. She's startled by your sudden outburst, and so is everyone else.

They don't know why you are crying on the dawn of victory, but they will know soon; you will tell them.

Then it'll be their turn to weep.

But for now, all you want is a shoulder to cry on.


	6. An Impossi8le Life

You watch as the bodies of your friends hit the platform, the Demon standing over them triumphantly. Teal and Candy Red mix together as they pool around the corpses and the Demon's feet. He smirks, as if mocking you. He raises his pitch black sword in challenge, its inky sheen spotted with Teal and Crimson. You feel your blood begin to boil, and you cast your dice with a fury that is unlike you. The numbers slowly decide themselves. Eight, Eight, Eight, Eight, Eight, Eight, Eight, and Eight, because you're just that lucky. A familiar power surges through your body. You feel the weight of the sword appear in your hand, and your outfit changes. You lunge at the Demon, with the intent to teach him a lesson for slaughtering your friends. Then your vision wavers, and everything goes black. As you regain your vision, you feel a burning, painful sensation from the middle of your chest. As you look down, you see a long blade protruding from it, stained Cerulean.

You awake with a gasp, feeling your chest to reassure yourself of your uninjured state. You examine your hands, no longer gray and sharp. Red blood runs through your veins, not Cerulean. You have no wings, your left eye only has one pupil. No horns adorn your head. You run your hand through your uncombed hair, sighing in relief. Your name is Vriska Serket, you are 16, and you dream of another life. A fantastical, impossible life. A life that you wish you had.

The air is chilly, and the sky is overcast. You breathe heavily, examining the steam that forms in the crisp morning air. You walk at a brisk pace down the deserted sidewalk, hefting your backpack full of books. Your dream still lies fresh in your memory, and you cannot shake the image of the Cerulean soaked blade from your head. You know it's stupid to dwell on such things. After all, you're human, not some bizarre alien from another planet. Although you wouldn't actually consider your counterpart to be bizarre. You know her very well, almost as well as you know yourself, perhaps even better. You've had those dreams all your life. You don't think you've dreamt of anything else. You've dreamt an entire lifetime in your sleep. You keep an active diary of your Alternian adventures. You hope to one day write a book about it, you certainly have enough to fill several volumes.

"Hey Vriska!" you hear a familiar cackle and the friendly hand on your shoulder. You turn to face your best friend. Terezi Pyrope. Terezi is a junior in Skaia High just like you, and the both of you are… lifelong friends? You only really became friends with her back in Middle School when the both of you found you had an avid interest in role-playing. Before that, you were constantly trying to commit mischief, while Pyrope's one desire in life was to catch you at your crimes and report you. Amazing, though, what common ground can do. "So, Vriska," Terezi began, "What's new from Alternia?"

You sigh, "Well, I reeeeaaaally don't want to talk about it." She then punches you lightly on your shoulder. You turn to face her. She's wearing a small red and teal jacket, and jeans. Her backpack isn't quite as loaded as yours. She grins, "Aw, come on Vriska. You can tell me."

"Fine," you sigh, "But it's really disturbing."

Terezi settles into a nice pace beside you as you begin, "Well, you know how last time I was preparing to go fight that Demon guy?" Terezi nods, and you continue, "So, your counterpart tried to talk me out of going. She tried to do some coin flip thing to force a decision. I rigged it so it would land in my favor." Terezi makes a comment how that is so like you, and you resume, "I think she intended to kill me anyways, but she couldn't go through with it. So I went, and… I think I inadvertently led the Demon back to the asteroid, and he killed everyone."

Terezi breathes out through her teeth, "Wow, kind of an anticlimactic ending, huh?"

"Then I started to fight him." You finish, but rub your head, "it gets a bit fuzzy from there, but I think I died."

"Well, Vriska, that's not a good ending to the story at all!" Terezi exclaims, "If you want to make that into a story, looks like you'll have to bullshit the ending. What was so disturbing about the ending though?"

"I don't know Terezi," you answer, "It's just the concept of dying. It made me really uncomfortable. If I died in my dream, will I still dream of Alternia? I know it's silly, but I don't want the dreams to stop."

Terezi looks at you with a comforting smile, "It's alright Vriska, and it's just dreams. I'm sure tonight you'll still dream of your Alternia. After all, if the reams have gone on this long, why should it stop?"

You smile back, "I suppose so. Thanks for talking with me about this."

"No problem," Terezi grins back, "Race you to school."

She takes off like a rocket, and you chase after her, cursing her out in Alternian. Just because you know it. Strange how your mind was able to come up with an entire comprehensive and diverse language in your sleep. (Terezi also knows Alternian: You taught her, it's your secret code)

As you walk to class you stop by a friend's locker, tapping him on the shoulder, "Morning Tav. How's it going?"

Your friend turns to greet you. His name is Tavros Nitram. He used to be a loser, but then you came along and brought him out of his insecurity. You knew him in your dreams long before you met him in real life. Your dream-self bossed his dream-self around a lot, so when you met this boy with the same name, you were determined to do what you failed to do in your dreams (And your dream self recently killed his dream self. That was kind of a shock.)

"Oh. Hey Vriska. I'm doing fine. How are you?" he responds, to which you reply, "Oh, I'm having a splendid morning, Tav. Soooooooo, have you reconsidered my offer?"

He fidgets nervously, "Uh, sorry Vriska. I do, um, like you, but just not in, er, that way."

You frown, "Alright then, but at least speak with confidence when you reject something, otherwise it makes you seem weak." Inside, you're more than a bit disappointed that Tavros isn't romantically interested in you, but you understand that he sees you as a really good friend, and it would do no good to his confidence if you pressured him into going out with you. So you don't push the matter. Although…

"So, if it's not going to be me, who do you have your eye on?" you question. He blushes, "I'd rather not say." He responds almost immediately. Damn. "Well," you sigh, "Tell me when you're comfortable with telling me, because I have got soooooooo much relationship advice to share with you." Yeah. Relationship advice. Like how not to get mixed up with complete idiots like that Ampora fellow from freshman year. Then there was that one night in Sophomore year with your good friend Terezi at a party that involved unintentional alcohol and drug consumption that SHALL NEVER BE MENTIONED AGAIN ON PAIN OF DEATH. Neither of you could talk, let alone look at each other a week after the incident that SHALL NOT BE NAMED.

Tavros nods, "Alright then. Thanks for understanding." As he walks off, your vision momentarily clouds over with images of lances and brown blood. You shake your head to clear it. It was just a dream, don't take it so seriously.

You sit in class idly twirling you pencil in hand. You have lunch after this class and you just can't wait until you're done slugging through Chemistry. Of course, class hasn't even started yet, Professor Scratch is busy checking his email. He'll be done in a few minutes.

Terezi sits next to you. She's currently popping chocolate covered cherries into her mouth. She does love cherry flavor. That and strawberry flavor. Well, anything red really. You personally love the color Cerulean and the number eight. No reason as to why. You spy other members of your LARP club in class. There's that sophomore Nepeta on the far side of the class, hunched over her notebook, scribbling in it, while casting furtive glances at that really crabby kid who's name you never bothered to learn. Ampora is a row away from you trying to chat up some girl who's captain of the swim team. You think her name begins with an F, but that's not really important.

Oh, hey, that's new. A row behind you, there's a new kid. He has short, unruly black hair, square spectacles, and has deep blue eyes. You momentarily are reminded of that John Egbert kid from your dreams. The resemblance is remarkable. The possibility that his name actually is John Egbert does not escape you. The first couple of times it scared you. Most people you've met and become friends with, you've already met in your dreams. Albeit they had horns, bled different color blood, and were an entirely different race. You've gotten used to it at this point. There probably is no relationship between this boy and the boy in your dreams, though.

Professor Scratch steps away from his computer, and straightens his green tie, which kind of contrasts with his white suit. "Students," he begins, "I'm sure some of you have already noticed, but we have a new student in our class. Please welcome John Egbert." Damn.

You exit from class with a skip in your step. Another meeting with a person you could have sworn was fictional! You were so surprised that during the class experiment, you almost accidentally burned out Terezi's eyes with the acid you were handling. Fortunately, she's okay. Ampora, though, is not. Poor guy. As you enter the lunch hall, you quickly scan it. You swiftly locate John, as he's standing about, as if not sure where to sit. You sneak up behind him, and loop your arm around his neck, "Hey John!" you grin, "Do you mind if I drag the new kid to the cool table?"

He yelps, surprised, "Gah! Oh, um, sure." He offers little to no resistance as you drag him to the table your friends are occupying. In the large cafeteria on the second floor, there are only a handful of tables right next to the large panoramic windows, with a fantastic view of the mountain range across the plains (as your community is atop a plateau.) Groups jostle for table supremacy all year, and you were determined this year to secure a most prestigious location year-long. Nepeta is the fastest among your LARPing group, and she was assigned to table-claiming duty. The LARP group has had a table all year since.

"Hey, Vriska, whatcha got there?" Terezi cackles as you drag John to the table and practically shove him into a seat. "Who I've got," you laugh, "is the new kid, John Egbert!" Immediately everyone at the table (Eridan, Nepeta, Terezi, and Kanaya) starts scrutinizing him. "Um, hi," John greets nervously under the four critical gazes, "Nice to meet you."

Terezi grins widely, "Hm. I kind of like him, Vris!"

Eridan scoffs, "I don't see what's so special about him."

Nepeta doesn't say anything, but starts frantically scribbling in her notebook. You know what that notebook is. It's a shipping chart.

Kanaya just smiles slightly, "Splendid. This group could use some more males."

You lightly knock Eridan on the head, announcing, "Well John, it looks like you're now an official member of the Skaia High LARP group! Sorry Ampora, majority rules." You get up in John's face, "You do LARP, don't you?"

At the mention of LARPing, John's face lights up immediately, "Oh yeah!" he chirps cheerfully, "I was the LARP co-president at my old school!"

You grin ear to ear. "Perfect, John. We're going to have so much fun!"

And you do.

Your world melts away, back to the incongruous dream bubble it has always been. Images of John and your friends melt away to once again reveal swirling chaos. Your skin darkens to the color of ash, your horns reappear, and blood runs down the front of your shirt.

Your name is Vriska Serket, you are six Alternian Solar Sweeps old, and you dream of another life. A wonderful, impossible life. A life that you wish you had.


End file.
